1 00:00:07,928 --> 00:00:09,589 "MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:11,761 JOE! JOE! 3 00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,344 GET IN HERE AND SEE WHAT YOUR FIANCEE HAS DONE. 4 00:00:14,345 --> 00:00:15,895 HEY, GOOD. YOU'RE HOME. 5 00:00:15,896 --> 00:00:17,347 LISTEN, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 6 00:00:17,348 --> 00:00:18,598 UGH! ME FIRST. 7 00:00:18,599 --> 00:00:20,600 I JUST SPENT SO MUCH MONEY. 8 00:00:20,601 --> 00:00:24,104 I MELTED THE STRIP OFF THREE CREDIT CARDS. 9 00:00:24,105 --> 00:00:26,566 THAT'S A NEW PERSONAL BEST FOR YOU, ISN'T IT? 10 00:00:26,567 --> 00:00:28,858 LISTEN, HONEY, I GOT SOME NEWS. 11 00:00:28,859 --> 00:00:29,909 WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT TILL I TALK 12 00:00:29,910 --> 00:00:31,361 'CAUSE I AM THE BRIDE AND THE BRIDE 13 00:00:31,362 --> 00:00:33,653 - ALWAYS GETS HER WAY. - OKAY. 14 00:00:33,654 --> 00:00:35,245 YOU CAN ONLY USE THAT BRIDE-TO-BE CARD 15 00:00:35,246 --> 00:00:36,706 FOR ANOTHER THREE WEEKS THOUGH UNTIL WE ACTUALLY GET MARRIED. 16 00:00:36,707 --> 00:00:39,038 OH, YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT, HANDSOME. 17 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,871 OKAY, LET'S GO TO MY WEDDING BIBLE 18 00:00:41,872 --> 00:00:43,583 AND FIGURE OUT WHAT MIRACLES 19 00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:44,834 I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED TODAY. 20 00:00:44,835 --> 00:00:46,336 OKAY, I ORDERED THE MATCHBOOKS, 21 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:48,928 I CHOSE MY BOUQUET, AND I NARROWED IT DOWN TO THREE VEILS. 22 00:00:48,929 --> 00:00:52,262 OH, AND MOST IMPORTANT, I SELECTED OUR CHAMPAGNE 23 00:00:52,263 --> 00:00:54,013 AFTER A THOROUGH AND RIGOROUS TASTING 24 00:00:54,014 --> 00:00:55,935 OF 40 DIFFERENT SPARKLING WINES. 25 00:00:55,936 --> 00:00:57,727 WHICH ONE DID YOU PICK? 26 00:00:57,728 --> 00:00:59,309 OH, WHO KNOWS? 27 00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:00,810 I'M GONNA BE AS SURPRISED AS YOU ARE. 28 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,483 HONEY, I THOUGHT YOU ALREADY CHOSE ALL THE STUFF 29 00:01:03,484 --> 00:01:05,105 YOU LIKED FOR THE WEDDING AFTER YOU WERE PLANNING 30 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,486 YOUR FRIEND CARRIE'S WEDDING. 31 00:01:06,487 --> 00:01:07,897 BRIDES LIKE TO CHANGE THEIR MINDS AT THE LAST MINUTE. 32 00:01:07,898 --> 00:01:09,449 OH, BUT DON'T WORRY. I'M TOO EXHAUSTED 33 00:01:09,450 --> 00:01:12,071 - TO CHANGE THE GROOM. - THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW. 34 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,153 THANKS. 35 00:01:13,154 --> 00:01:14,154 IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT A LOT LEFT TO DO. 36 00:01:14,155 --> 00:01:15,325 I MEAN, MAYBE EVEN TOO MUCH 37 00:01:15,326 --> 00:01:16,696 JUST FOR ONE PERSON, YOU KNOW? 38 00:01:16,697 --> 00:01:18,408 YOU MIGHT NEED SOME HELP. MY MOTHER WOULD ACTUALLY, 39 00:01:18,409 --> 00:01:20,250 YOU KNOW, LOVE TO HELP YOU PLAN THE WEDDING. 40 00:01:20,251 --> 00:01:22,041 AND YOU TOLD HER NO, RIGHT? 41 00:01:22,042 --> 00:01:23,333 YEAH, THAT WOULDN'T WORK. 42 00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:24,874 SEE, THE WORD "NO" OCCURS AT A FREQUENCY 43 00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:27,207 THAT SHE DOESN'T HEAR. 44 00:01:27,208 --> 00:01:30,089 WELL, YOU BETTER FIND A WAY TO MAKE HER HEAR IT. 45 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,971 SAY IT LOW. 46 00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:35,095 YEAH, HONEY, LISTEN. BEFORE YOU GO... OH, BOY. 47 00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:40,180 MEL! LET ME GIVE MY JOEY'S BRIDE A HUG. 48 00:01:40,181 --> 00:01:42,142 GLORIA. 49 00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:43,603 HOW UNANNOUNCED. 50 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,025 I MEAN, UNEXPECTED. 51 00:01:46,026 --> 00:01:48,067 FOR THE NEXT THREE WEEKS, 52 00:01:48,068 --> 00:01:49,939 YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE TO LIFT A FINGER. 53 00:01:49,940 --> 00:01:53,323 I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF EVERY LAST WEDDING DETAIL. 54 00:01:53,324 --> 00:01:55,576 OH, NO. THAT'S NOT NECESSARY. 55 00:01:56,737 --> 00:01:57,867 ( low pitch ) I MEAN, NO, 56 00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:00,119 THAT'S NOT NECESSARY. 57 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,741 ( theme music plays ) 58 00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:03,663 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 59 00:02:03,664 --> 00:02:05,455 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 60 00:02:05,456 --> 00:02:07,006 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 61 00:02:07,007 --> 00:02:08,838 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE ♪ 62 00:02:08,839 --> 00:02:10,420 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 63 00:02:10,421 --> 00:02:12,922 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 64 00:02:12,923 --> 00:02:14,214 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 65 00:02:14,215 --> 00:02:16,966 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 66 00:02:16,967 --> 00:02:19,680 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 67 00:02:22,102 --> 00:02:24,143 I DIDN'T EVEN TELL JOEY I WAS COMING. 68 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,565 HE'S SO PROUD. 69 00:02:25,566 --> 00:02:27,647 HE'D NEVER ADMIT YOU NEEDED HELP, 70 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,769 BUT OF COURSE YOU DO. 71 00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:31,150 OH, NO, NO. 72 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,233 I REALLY, REALLY DON'T. 73 00:02:33,234 --> 00:02:36,616 OH, HONEY, I KNOW WHY THIS IS A HURRY-UP WEDDING. 74 00:02:36,617 --> 00:02:39,078 ( laughs ) 75 00:02:39,079 --> 00:02:41,871 I PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER. 76 00:02:41,872 --> 00:02:43,873 I AM NOT PREGNANT. 77 00:02:43,874 --> 00:02:45,245 OH, OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT. 78 00:02:45,246 --> 00:02:48,378 IF, UH, YOU NEED TO HIT SOMETHING, HONEY, 79 00:02:48,379 --> 00:02:50,049 YOU CAN JUST HIT ME, OKAY? 80 00:02:50,050 --> 00:02:52,252 MY WEDDING BIBLE. 81 00:02:52,253 --> 00:02:56,636 THIS BOOK HAS HELPED A DOZEN BRIDES 82 00:02:56,637 --> 00:02:57,717 PLAN THEIR WEDDING. 83 00:02:57,718 --> 00:02:59,299 AND NOW IT'S YOURS. 84 00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:03,803 WELL, EVERYTHING IN HERE IS FROM THE '90s. 85 00:03:03,804 --> 00:03:07,517 OH, THE LAST GREAT DECADE FOR STYLE. 86 00:03:07,518 --> 00:03:11,611 WHO DOESN'T LOVE AN OVERSIZED BOW? 87 00:03:11,612 --> 00:03:13,273 OH! I BROUGHT A WHOLE COLLECTION 88 00:03:13,274 --> 00:03:14,524 IN A PET CARRIER. 89 00:03:14,525 --> 00:03:16,817 SINCE THE DOG DIED, WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH IT? 90 00:03:18,909 --> 00:03:20,490 IF SHE THINKS FOR ONE SECOND 91 00:03:20,491 --> 00:03:21,531 SHE IS TAKING OVER THIS WEDDING... 92 00:03:21,532 --> 00:03:22,992 HONEY, SHE IS NOT TAKING OVER. 93 00:03:22,993 --> 00:03:24,994 SHE JUST WANTS TO FEEL USEFUL. 94 00:03:24,995 --> 00:03:28,628 SHE PUT HER WEDDING BIBLE ON TOP OF MY WEDDING BIBLE. 95 00:03:28,629 --> 00:03:29,959 THAT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. 96 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,962 - THAT IS AN ACT OF WAR. - OKAY, ALL RIGHT, LOOK. 97 00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:35,044 LET'S... LET'S THINK ABOUT POSITIVE THINGS, ALL RIGHT? 98 00:03:35,045 --> 00:03:36,796 BECAUSE WE'RE PLANNING THIS WEDDING SO QUICKLY, 99 00:03:36,797 --> 00:03:38,968 VERY FEW OF OUR RELATIVES ARE ACTUALLY GONNA BE ABLE TO COME. 100 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,179 YOU KNOW, LIKE... LIKE YOUR MOM. 101 00:03:40,180 --> 00:03:40,971 I MEAN, SHE'S NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE IT 102 00:03:40,972 --> 00:03:42,512 BECAUSE SHE'S STILL ON HER 103 00:03:42,513 --> 00:03:44,434 PLASTIC SURGERY TOUR OF SOUTH AMERICA. 104 00:03:44,435 --> 00:03:45,935 OH, THAT'S RIGHT. SHE CAN'T TRAVEL 105 00:03:45,936 --> 00:03:47,807 UNTIL HER BUTT SETTLES. 106 00:03:47,808 --> 00:03:49,609 YES, AND MY DAD'S NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO MAKE IT 107 00:03:49,610 --> 00:03:51,060 BECAUSE MY DAD'S BEEN AWOL FOR THE... 108 00:03:51,061 --> 00:03:52,772 YOU KNOW, THE LAST TWO DECADES. 109 00:03:52,773 --> 00:03:54,193 AND MY BROTHER TONY, AFTER THE WAY 110 00:03:54,194 --> 00:03:55,445 HE HIT ON YOU THE LAST TIME HE WAS HERE, 111 00:03:55,446 --> 00:03:56,736 WELL, HE'S CERTAINLY NOT WELCOME ANYMORE. 112 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,027 AND MY SISTER'S STILL IN JAIL. 113 00:03:58,028 --> 00:03:59,449 WE REALLY LUCKED OUT WITH THAT ONE. 114 00:03:59,450 --> 00:04:01,361 YOU SEE? THE SYSTEM WORKS. 115 00:04:01,362 --> 00:04:02,992 SO WE SHOULD BE HAPPY. I MEAN, HONESTLY, HONEY, 116 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,325 IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THE RATIO OF DIFFICULT RELATIVES 117 00:04:05,326 --> 00:04:06,956 WHO CAN AND CAN'T COME TO OUR WEDDING 118 00:04:06,957 --> 00:04:08,368 IS REALLY VERY MUCH IN OUR FAVOR. 119 00:04:08,369 --> 00:04:10,209 YEAH, BUT WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT YOUR MOM? 120 00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:11,371 LISTEN TO HER IDEAS. 121 00:04:11,372 --> 00:04:12,462 TELL HER THAT YOU'LL THINK ABOUT IT, 122 00:04:12,463 --> 00:04:13,713 THEN, YOU KNOW, YOU DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. 123 00:04:13,714 --> 00:04:16,005 OH, YOU MEAN, LIKE I DO WITH... 124 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:18,468 PEOPLE AT WORK? 125 00:04:18,469 --> 00:04:20,881 THAT WAS A NICE SAVE. 126 00:04:24,345 --> 00:04:25,475 ( knocking ) 127 00:04:25,476 --> 00:04:28,057 OH, YOU GOT YOUR NERD UNIFORM ON. 128 00:04:28,058 --> 00:04:29,769 HA. ACTUALLY, MY OFFICIAL TITLE 129 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,061 IS GAME MASTER. 130 00:04:32,062 --> 00:04:34,654 NOW, THERE'S A PANTY-DROPPER. 131 00:04:34,655 --> 00:04:36,275 SO, UH, LISTEN. 132 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,027 I NOTICED FACEBOOK IS BLOWING UP 133 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,360 WITH HUMBLE BRAGS ABOUT COLLEGE ACCEPTANCES. 134 00:04:40,361 --> 00:04:42,782 AND I WAS JUST WONDERING IF THERE WAS ANY NEWS 135 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,664 ON THE COLLEGE FRONT IN THIS ROOM. 136 00:04:44,665 --> 00:04:47,206 NOPE, 'CAUSE I DIDN'T APPLY TO ANY. 137 00:04:47,207 --> 00:04:49,329 RYDER, ARE YOU CRAZY? 138 00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:50,460 UH, NO. NO. 139 00:04:50,461 --> 00:04:51,871 CRAZY WOULD BE GOING TO COLLEGE 140 00:04:51,872 --> 00:04:54,213 WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE A SWEET CAREER. 141 00:04:54,214 --> 00:04:56,546 YOU WORK AT A LASER TAG PLACE 142 00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:58,047 AND YOU MAKE MINIMUM WAGE. 143 00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,259 BUT I HAVE MAXIMUM FUN. 144 00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:03,883 NO, RYDER, YOU HAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE. 145 00:05:03,884 --> 00:05:06,726 YOU KNOW WHAT? PLENTY OF SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE 146 00:05:06,727 --> 00:05:08,097 DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE, OKAY. 147 00:05:08,098 --> 00:05:10,189 ABRAHAM LINCOLN, HARRY TRUMAN, 148 00:05:10,190 --> 00:05:12,482 MOSES, 149 00:05:12,483 --> 00:05:14,984 JESUS. 150 00:05:14,985 --> 00:05:17,397 OKAY, YOU GET 12 DISCIPLES AND I'LL BACK OFF. 151 00:05:17,398 --> 00:05:20,530 LOOK, THIS JOB MAY BE CUTE NOW, 152 00:05:20,531 --> 00:05:23,072 BUT IT'S NOT GONNA BE SO CUTE WHEN YOU'RE 35, 153 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,744 LIVING IN A BASEMENT, PLAYING CALL OF DUTY 154 00:05:24,745 --> 00:05:26,746 ALL DAY, AND EATING NOTHING BUT JUNK FOOD. 155 00:05:26,747 --> 00:05:28,998 YOU MAKE MY FUTURE SOUND... 156 00:05:28,999 --> 00:05:31,451 AWESOME. 157 00:05:31,452 --> 00:05:33,122 ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. I'M TELLING MEL AND JOE 158 00:05:33,123 --> 00:05:34,874 ABOUT THIS COLLEGE THING RIGHT NOW. 159 00:05:34,875 --> 00:05:36,716 OH, YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S GREAT TIMING. 160 00:05:36,717 --> 00:05:38,958 WHY DON'T YOU TELL AUNT MEL AND JOE 161 00:05:38,959 --> 00:05:40,720 WHILE THEY'RE ALL STRESSED OUT ABOUT THE WEDDING? 162 00:05:40,721 --> 00:05:42,051 UGH, OKAY, FINE! 163 00:05:42,052 --> 00:05:44,424 I WON'T TELL THEM YET, BUT I AM GOING TO FIX THIS. 164 00:05:44,425 --> 00:05:45,725 I AM NOT LETTING YOU WASTE YOUR LIFE 165 00:05:45,726 --> 00:05:47,887 FISHING QUARTERS OUT OF BROKEN ARCADE GAMES. 166 00:05:47,888 --> 00:05:50,019 LENNOX, NO. THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN. 167 00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:51,892 WE USE TOKENS. 168 00:05:55,736 --> 00:05:57,897 REAL CANDLES ARE SO MESSY. 169 00:05:57,898 --> 00:06:01,360 WHAT YOU WANT ARE THE BATTERY-OPERATED ONES. 170 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,443 - BUT I LOVE REAL CANDLES. - ( glass clinking ) 171 00:06:03,444 --> 00:06:05,945 - ( louder clinking ) - AND... I WILL THINK 172 00:06:05,946 --> 00:06:07,197 ABOUT THAT. 173 00:06:08,579 --> 00:06:09,619 AND FOR THE RECEPTION, 174 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,870 YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO ALL CRAZY 175 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,161 WITH THE SALMON AND THE STEAK. 176 00:06:12,162 --> 00:06:15,254 STICK TO THE CLASSICS, RAVIOLI. 177 00:06:15,255 --> 00:06:18,668 HUH, WEDDING RAVIOLI? 178 00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,129 YEAH, I'LL THINK ABOUT THAT. 179 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,961 YOU KEEP SAYING YOU'LL THINK ABOUT THAT, 180 00:06:21,962 --> 00:06:23,212 BUT I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA THINK ABOUT THAT. 181 00:06:23,213 --> 00:06:24,714 ARE YOU HUMORING ME? 182 00:06:24,715 --> 00:06:28,558 NO! I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD DO THAT? 183 00:06:28,559 --> 00:06:30,389 NOT MEL, MOM, BECAUSE SHE VALUES YOUR OPINION. 184 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,721 SO WHAT'S NEXT ON THE LIST? 185 00:06:31,722 --> 00:06:33,392 TABLECLOTHS. 186 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,935 WELL, I AM GOING WITH A CLASSIC WHITE. 187 00:06:35,936 --> 00:06:37,356 ROOKIE MISTAKE. 188 00:06:37,357 --> 00:06:39,939 YOU WANT RED... COVERS THE WINE STAINS. 189 00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:42,231 BUT THE BRIDE WANTS WHITE. 190 00:06:42,232 --> 00:06:43,733 WHAT DO YOU SAY, JOSEPH? 191 00:06:43,734 --> 00:06:46,325 WHITE OR RED? 192 00:06:46,326 --> 00:06:48,367 UH... 193 00:06:48,368 --> 00:06:49,949 WHY DON'T WE JUST GO WITH PINK? 194 00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:52,161 - PINK'S TERRIBLE! - NO, NO ONE USES PINK. 195 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,583 WELL, WHATEVER. WHAT DO I KNOW? 196 00:06:53,584 --> 00:06:54,954 JOE, LOOK, IT'S YOUR WEDDING TOO. 197 00:06:54,955 --> 00:06:56,085 OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY 198 00:06:56,086 --> 00:06:59,459 WHAT YOU HONESTLY PREFER? WHITE OR RED? 199 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,090 THERE'S NO WRONG ANSWER. 200 00:07:01,091 --> 00:07:02,712 OH, OKAY. 201 00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:04,805 - WELL THEN, RED. - ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME?! 202 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,427 SHE'LL COME AROUND. 203 00:07:15,556 --> 00:07:17,727 HOW COULD YOU CHOOSE YOUR MOTHER OVER ME? 204 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,108 YOU ASKED WHAT I HONESTLY PREFERRED! 205 00:07:19,109 --> 00:07:20,060 DON'T YOU KNOW A TRICK QUESTION 206 00:07:20,061 --> 00:07:21,400 WHEN YOU HEAR ONE? 207 00:07:21,401 --> 00:07:22,822 HONEY, YOU SHOULDN'T BE GETTING THIS UPSET 208 00:07:22,823 --> 00:07:25,064 - ABOUT RED TABLECLOTH. - WHITE TABLECLOTHS! 209 00:07:25,065 --> 00:07:26,026 ALL RIGHT! WHITE! I LOVE WHITE! 210 00:07:26,027 --> 00:07:27,366 I THINK WHITE'S AMAZING! LISTEN, 211 00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:28,568 THE FIRST THING WE NEED TO DO 212 00:07:28,569 --> 00:07:30,239 IS GET MY MOM FAR, FAR AWAY FROM YOU. 213 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:31,951 - ON BOARD. - OKAY. 214 00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,533 SO WE NEED TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING FOR HER TO DO. 215 00:07:33,534 --> 00:07:35,535 I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT. 216 00:07:35,536 --> 00:07:36,706 A COUPLE DAYS AGO, YOU CAME TO ME. 217 00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:38,167 YOU SAID THAT YOU NARROWED DOWN 218 00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:39,458 THE PHOTOGRAPHERS TO FIVE CHOICES. 219 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,920 AND YOU LOVE THEM ALL, RIGHT? 220 00:07:40,921 --> 00:07:43,382 - SHE'S NOT GONE YET. - I'M WORKING ON IT! 221 00:07:43,383 --> 00:07:45,004 I'M WORKING ON IT. LISTEN TO ME. 222 00:07:45,005 --> 00:07:46,345 LET HER CHOOSE THE PHOTOGRAPHER. 223 00:07:46,346 --> 00:07:47,967 OKAY? THIS WAY, SHE'LL THINK SHE'S DOING 224 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,969 SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT. INSTEAD OF JUST 225 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,591 THE TIME-CONSUMING BUSYWORK THAT 226 00:07:51,592 --> 00:07:52,682 THAT ACTUALLY IS. 227 00:07:52,683 --> 00:07:55,595 OOH, YOU ARE AN EVIL GENIUS. 228 00:07:55,596 --> 00:07:58,688 OH, AND IN THREE WEEKS I WILL BE MRS. EVIL GENIUS. 229 00:07:58,689 --> 00:07:59,899 BUT MAYBE I SHOULD HYPHEN IT, 230 00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:02,312 YOU KNOW, BURKE-LONGO-EVIL GENIUS. 231 00:08:05,105 --> 00:08:07,276 AND THAT'S WHY SELECTING THE PHOTOGRAPHER 232 00:08:07,277 --> 00:08:09,949 IS A VITALLY IMPORTANT TASK. 233 00:08:09,950 --> 00:08:11,571 BUT SHOULDN'T I BE THERE WITH YOU 234 00:08:11,572 --> 00:08:13,372 FOR THE REALLY IMPORTANT DECISIONS, 235 00:08:13,373 --> 00:08:16,455 LIKE CHOOSING THE DOILIES OR TASTING THE CRAB CAKES? 236 00:08:16,456 --> 00:08:18,167 MOM, COME ON. IN 50 YEARS, 237 00:08:18,168 --> 00:08:20,169 ARE PEOPLE STILL GONNA BE TALKING ABOUT THE DOILIES? NO. 238 00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:21,791 ARE THEY GONNA BE TASTING THE CRAB CAKES? 239 00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:23,082 GOD, I HOPE NOT. 240 00:08:23,083 --> 00:08:24,123 NO, MOM, THEY'RE GONNA BE TALKING ABOUT 241 00:08:24,124 --> 00:08:25,424 THE PHOTOGRAPHS. YOU KNOW WHY, MOM? 242 00:08:25,425 --> 00:08:28,888 BECAUSE THE PHOTOGRAPHS, THEY LAST FOREVER. 243 00:08:28,889 --> 00:08:31,841 THAT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL. ALL RIGHT. 244 00:08:31,842 --> 00:08:33,803 YOU NEED ME. 245 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,555 - I'LL DO IT. - OH, MOM, LISTEN. 246 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:36,896 TAKE YOUR TIME WHEN YOU'RE CHOOSING 247 00:08:36,897 --> 00:08:38,017 THESE PHOTOGRAPHERS NOW, ALL RIGHT? 248 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,559 INTERVIEW EACH GUY TWICE IF YOU HAVE TO. 249 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,310 THREE TIMES, 'CAUSE ANY JOB WORTH DOING 250 00:08:41,311 --> 00:08:44,354 IS WORTH DOING SLOWLY. 251 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,069 BIG SISTER TO THE RESCUE. 252 00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:51,530 I HAVE A PLAN TO GET YOU INTO COLLEGE. 253 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,202 STIMPSON AND PLAKARD COLLEGE. 254 00:08:53,203 --> 00:08:55,454 THEIR MOTTO IS "WE MAY NOT BE YOUR FIRST CHOICE, 255 00:08:55,455 --> 00:08:58,207 BUT, HEY, YOU GOT IN." 256 00:08:58,208 --> 00:09:00,079 AND THEY ACCEPT LATE APPLICATIONS 257 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,041 FOR SPECIAL CASES. 258 00:09:01,042 --> 00:09:02,251 WHAT'S MY SPECIAL CASE? 259 00:09:02,252 --> 00:09:03,292 YOU'RE AN IDIOT. 260 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:05,164 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO 261 00:09:05,165 --> 00:09:07,627 IS WRITE AN ESSAY OF WHY YOU CHOSE "S AND P" COLLEGE. 262 00:09:07,628 --> 00:09:09,168 OH, THAT'S EASY. 263 00:09:09,169 --> 00:09:10,509 'CAUSE MY PUSHY SISTER 264 00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:12,471 FILLED OUT AN APPLICATION WHEN I TOLD HER NOT TO. 265 00:09:12,472 --> 00:09:14,634 WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT'LL PROBABLY GET YOU IN, 266 00:09:14,635 --> 00:09:16,385 BUT I WOULD ADD A FEW PARAGRAPHS 267 00:09:16,386 --> 00:09:17,977 JUST IN CASE. 268 00:09:17,978 --> 00:09:19,979 I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT MY FUTURE, 269 00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:21,140 BUT DON'T WORRY. ALL RIGHT? 270 00:09:21,141 --> 00:09:22,602 I HAVE A PLAN. 271 00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,393 I JUST... I CAN'T TELL YOU ABOUT IT YET. 272 00:09:24,394 --> 00:09:26,606 OH, YOU HAVE A SECRET PLAN? 273 00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,948 DO YOU WEAR TIGHTS AND FIGHT CRIME? 274 00:09:28,949 --> 00:09:30,820 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT EVEN GONNA DIGNIFY THAT 275 00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,401 WITH A RESPONSE, 276 00:09:32,402 --> 00:09:33,654 BUT DON'T LOOK IN MY CLOSET. 277 00:09:36,697 --> 00:09:38,958 HEY, YOU WANT TO LOOK OVER THE PLAYLIST FOR THE D.J. AGAIN? 278 00:09:38,959 --> 00:09:40,249 YOU DIDN'T SNEAK "I LIKE BIG BUTTS" 279 00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:41,250 BACK ON THERE AGAIN, RIGHT? 280 00:09:41,251 --> 00:09:43,122 WHAT? NO. 281 00:09:43,123 --> 00:09:44,875 ( clicking ) 282 00:09:46,757 --> 00:09:47,967 OH, THIS ALL FEELS SO GOOD. 283 00:09:47,968 --> 00:09:50,089 THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE BEEN GLORIA-FREE 284 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,051 AND I'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF. 285 00:09:52,052 --> 00:09:53,262 - WHAT? - OURSELF! 286 00:09:53,263 --> 00:09:57,056 I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING "OURSELF." 287 00:09:57,057 --> 00:09:58,097 YOU KNOW, SPEAKING OF MY MOM, 288 00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,598 I'M ACTUALLY GONNA GO CHECK ON HER. 289 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,350 I WANT TO SEE HOW THE PHOTOGRAPHER SEARCH IS COMING. 290 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,482 MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT MAKING TOO MUCH PROGRESS. 291 00:10:03,483 --> 00:10:05,104 MOM, HEY. 292 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,107 JOEY, TASTE THIS AND TELL ME IT'S PERFECT. 293 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,899 OKAY. 294 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,861 YOU KNOW WHAT, MOM? THAT IS PERFECT. 295 00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,993 LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. 296 00:10:13,994 --> 00:10:16,155 SO HOW'S THE PHOTOGRAPHER SEARCH COMING? 297 00:10:16,156 --> 00:10:17,616 I BOOKED A GUY. 298 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,948 BUT NOT ONE OF YOUR CHOICES. 299 00:10:18,949 --> 00:10:20,830 SOMEONE BETTER AND CHEAPER. 300 00:10:20,831 --> 00:10:23,162 - YOUR BROTHER TONY. - WHAT?! MOM! 301 00:10:23,163 --> 00:10:25,164 NO, HE'S NOT WELCOME HERE. 302 00:10:25,165 --> 00:10:27,246 OF COURSE HE IS. HE'S YOUR BROTHER. 303 00:10:27,247 --> 00:10:29,128 MOM, LOOK, IT'S... IT'S NOT EVEN ABOUT ME. 304 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,129 IT'S MORE ABOUT MY BRIDE-TO-BE. 305 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,130 OKAY, OKAY, LISTEN. 306 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,251 TWO YEARS AGO TONY WAS HERE. 307 00:10:32,252 --> 00:10:33,923 I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS, 308 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:36,015 BUT HE HIT ON MEL. 309 00:10:36,016 --> 00:10:39,138 OH, THAT'S WHAT HE DOES. 310 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,891 MOM, HE TALKED HER INTO TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF 311 00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,102 AND THEN HE TOOK PICTURES OF HER 312 00:10:43,103 --> 00:10:45,064 AND POSTED 'EM ON HIS SKEEZY WEBSITE. 313 00:10:45,065 --> 00:10:46,355 THAT IS, LIKE, INEXCUSABLE. 314 00:10:46,356 --> 00:10:49,068 MEL WASN'T EVEN YOUR GIRLFRIEND TWO YEARS AGO. 315 00:10:49,069 --> 00:10:51,190 BOY, SHE REALLY MADE YOU WORK FOR IT. 316 00:10:51,191 --> 00:10:53,442 SMART GIRL. 317 00:10:53,443 --> 00:10:55,364 LOOK, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER WHAT I THINK, OKAY? 318 00:10:55,365 --> 00:10:56,866 BECAUSE WHEN SHE HEARS THIS, 319 00:10:56,867 --> 00:10:58,037 MEL IS GONNA HIT THE ROOF. 320 00:10:58,038 --> 00:10:59,328 UH, WHY AM I GONNA HIT THE ROOF? 321 00:10:59,329 --> 00:11:01,370 HONEY, STAY CALM. 322 00:11:01,371 --> 00:11:05,124 MY MOTHER DIDN'T CHOOSE ANY OF THE PHOTOGRAPHERS FROM YOUR LIST. 323 00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:07,126 SHE WENT ROGUE. ALL RIGHT. SHE... 324 00:11:07,127 --> 00:11:08,999 SHE HIRED MY BROTHER TONY. 325 00:11:10,751 --> 00:11:12,461 THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. 326 00:11:12,462 --> 00:11:13,793 YOU SEE HOW PISSED OFF YOU JUST... 327 00:11:13,794 --> 00:11:15,054 WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT?! 328 00:11:15,055 --> 00:11:17,006 NO, NO! AFTER WHAT HE DID TO YOU THE LAST TIME, 329 00:11:17,007 --> 00:11:19,258 - HE'S NOT WELCOME HERE. - HE'S A WONDERFUL PHOTOGRAPHER. 330 00:11:19,259 --> 00:11:20,509 HE TOOK BEAUTIFUL PICTURES OF ME. 331 00:11:20,510 --> 00:11:22,972 - HALF NAKED! - UGH, IT ALL ENDED WELL. 332 00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:25,725 - UH, AFTER A FISTFIGHT! - OVER ME. 333 00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:27,516 WHICH YOU WON. 334 00:11:27,517 --> 00:11:29,688 OH, JOEY, IT'S GONNA BE FINE. 335 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,190 LISTEN TO YOUR FIANCEE. 336 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,361 THANK YOU, GLORIA. 337 00:11:32,362 --> 00:11:33,612 I'M GONNA GO CALL TONY. 338 00:11:33,613 --> 00:11:35,194 HE SAID HE'D BE HERE BY DINNER. 339 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,027 AND TOMORROW, HE'LL TAKE YOUR ENGAGEMENT PICTURES. 340 00:11:38,028 --> 00:11:39,780 JOEY, WATCH THE SAUCE. 341 00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:45,825 I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST CHOSE MY MOTHER OVER ME. 342 00:11:45,826 --> 00:11:47,877 OH, I GUESS THE PINK TABLECLOTH 343 00:11:47,878 --> 00:11:49,628 IS ON THE OTHER FOOT NOW, HUH? 344 00:11:49,629 --> 00:11:52,001 YEAH, I'M GONNA LAY DOWN THE LAW WITH MY MOM. 345 00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,422 ALL RIGHT, TONY'S NOT SETTING FOOT 346 00:11:53,423 --> 00:11:54,713 INSIDE THIS HOUSE. 347 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:55,965 I GOT TO SAY, 348 00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,137 I WAS SURPRISED TO BE INVITED. 349 00:11:59,179 --> 00:12:00,931 YOU WEREN'T THE ONLY ONE, TONY. 350 00:12:08,058 --> 00:12:10,479 SO, RYDER, YOU'RE A SENIOR NOW, HUH? 351 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,351 - MM-HMM. - HOW'S IT GOING WITH THE LADIES? 352 00:12:12,352 --> 00:12:14,193 YOU KNOW, I'M ACTUALLY HAVING A PRETTY GOOD YEAR. 353 00:12:14,194 --> 00:12:15,614 JUST WAIT TILL YOU GET TO COLLEGE, BUDDY. 354 00:12:15,615 --> 00:12:16,906 IF YOU'RE LIKE ME, 355 00:12:16,907 --> 00:12:19,029 IT'LL BE THE BEST SIX YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. 356 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,821 SO THE ACCEPTANCES ROLLING IN? 357 00:12:21,822 --> 00:12:23,162 - ( scoffs ) - OH, UH... 358 00:12:23,163 --> 00:12:25,414 WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT BORING, OLD COLLEGE 359 00:12:25,415 --> 00:12:27,867 WHEN THERE IS A BIG-ASS WEDDING HAPPENING? 360 00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:30,249 YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT BRIDES. YOU'VE GOT GROOMS. 361 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,251 - YOU'VE GOT HEARTFELT TOASTS. - OH, YEAH, YEAH. 362 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,292 I, UH... I GOT ONE. 363 00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:35,335 TO MY BROTHER JOE... 364 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,048 I GUESS YOU'RE NOT THE NANNY ANYMORE. 365 00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:41,380 FINALLY CRAWLED OUT OF THE BASEMENT 366 00:12:41,381 --> 00:12:42,932 INTO THE LANDLADY'S BEDROOM. 367 00:12:42,933 --> 00:12:44,643 CHEERS. 368 00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:46,555 ( forced ) HA HA HA HA! 369 00:12:46,556 --> 00:12:49,098 THAT'S FUNNY. THAT'S FUNNY. 370 00:12:49,099 --> 00:12:50,229 TONY, CAN I SHOW YOU SOMETHING 371 00:12:50,230 --> 00:12:51,440 IN THE LIVING ROOM JUST REAL QUICK, PLEASE? 372 00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:53,192 OH, YEAH, SURE. 373 00:12:53,193 --> 00:12:56,065 RYDER, YOU SPILLED SAUCE EVERYWHERE. 374 00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:58,397 BET YOU WISH YOU HAD A RED TABLECLOTH 375 00:12:58,398 --> 00:13:00,110 RIGHT ABOUT NOW, HUH? 376 00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:05,204 SO, UH, WHAT'D YOU WANT TO SHOW ME? 377 00:13:05,205 --> 00:13:07,246 THE DOOR. 378 00:13:07,247 --> 00:13:09,038 YEAH, 'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T START 379 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:10,169 SHOWING MEL AND ME A LITTLE MORE RESPECT, 380 00:13:10,170 --> 00:13:12,001 THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GONNA BE HEADED. 381 00:13:12,002 --> 00:13:14,173 SO WHAT? IF I SAY THE WRONG THING, YOU'RE GONNA KICK ME OUT? 382 00:13:14,174 --> 00:13:16,045 YEAH, THAT'S IT. 383 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,586 WELL, I MEAN, IT COULD BE TOUGH TO KNOW 384 00:13:17,587 --> 00:13:19,048 IF WHAT I'M SAYING IS THE WRONG THING. 385 00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,589 I MEAN, WHAT IF I MAKE AN INNOCENT COMMENT 386 00:13:20,590 --> 00:13:22,181 ABOUT HOW ALL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS 387 00:13:22,182 --> 00:13:23,843 DATED YOU TO GET TO ME? 388 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,135 I MEAN, WOULD THAT BE THE WRONG THING? 389 00:13:26,136 --> 00:13:29,018 THAT COULD BE ONE. 390 00:13:29,019 --> 00:13:30,099 YOU KNOW WHAT ANOTHER ONE COULD BE 391 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,231 IS LISTING ANY MORE. 392 00:13:32,232 --> 00:13:35,064 ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW, I'M STILL NOT CLEAR. 393 00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:37,196 I MEAN, WHAT IF I SAID, 394 00:13:37,197 --> 00:13:39,698 MEL WAS MORE ATTRACTED TO A CERTAIN 395 00:13:39,699 --> 00:13:40,779 BROTHER OF YOURS? 396 00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:42,781 TONY, PLEASE. YOU KNOW, COME ON, MAN. 397 00:13:42,782 --> 00:13:44,113 FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR FACE AND MY KNUCKLES, 398 00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:46,035 WILL YOU JUST STOP TALKING? 399 00:13:46,036 --> 00:13:47,826 OKAY, OKAY, I GET IT. 400 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,709 SHE PICKED YOU. YOU WON, I LOST. 401 00:13:50,710 --> 00:13:52,621 YOU WERE IN TOWN. 402 00:13:52,622 --> 00:13:53,792 I WASN'T AVAILABLE. 403 00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:55,084 THAT'S IT! COME HERE! 404 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,585 COME HERE! THAT'S IT! 405 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,047 BOYS! BOYS! YOU CAN'T GET 406 00:13:58,048 --> 00:14:00,669 THROUGH ONE MEAL WITHOUT FIGHTING?! 407 00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:02,511 HE STARTED IT! 408 00:14:02,512 --> 00:14:03,842 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 409 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,135 DON'T FIGHT NEAR MY COUCH. THAT'S SUEDE. 410 00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:08,057 THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. 411 00:14:08,058 --> 00:14:11,060 I INVITED TONY AND EXPECTED FAMILY HARMONY, 412 00:14:11,061 --> 00:14:12,851 WHICH WAS CLEARLY TOO MUCH TO HOPE FOR. 413 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,354 SO I'M GONNA LEAVE BEFORE I DO ANY MORE DAMAGE. 414 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,775 I'LL GO PACK RIGHT NOW. 415 00:14:16,776 --> 00:14:18,857 - MOM! - NO, I'LL JUST LEAVE MY THINGS. 416 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,439 I DON'T DESERVE THEM. 417 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,860 MOM, WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. 418 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,905 LOOK, LOOK, WE'LL... WE'LL STOP FIGHTING, OKAY? 419 00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:28,118 TONY CAN... 420 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,121 ( forced ) STAY. 421 00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:35,374 GOOD BOY. GO HUG YOUR BROTHER, JOEY. 422 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,377 - MOM, I DON'T WANT TO. - HUG HIM! 423 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,259 LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER, JOE. 424 00:14:40,260 --> 00:14:41,711 I DON'T... 425 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,056 I JUST... ALL RIGHT, I WILL... 426 00:14:47,057 --> 00:14:48,387 COME ON. 427 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,848 COME ON, GET IN HERE. 428 00:14:49,849 --> 00:14:51,770 ALL RIGHT. OH, THAT'S GOOD. 429 00:14:51,771 --> 00:14:53,183 OKAY. 430 00:14:54,434 --> 00:14:56,225 OH MY GOD, 431 00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:58,478 SO MUCH HANDSOME CAME OUT OF ME. 432 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,153 ( children cheering ) 433 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,945 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WHO'S THE GAME MASTER? 434 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:08,447 - Boy: YOU ARE! - Ryder: YEAH! 435 00:15:08,448 --> 00:15:10,449 AND THE GAME MASTER SAYS THAT THERE IS PIZZA READY 436 00:15:10,450 --> 00:15:12,992 IN THE HEROES LAIR, ALSO KNOWN AS BIRTHDAY ROOM A. 437 00:15:12,993 --> 00:15:14,163 ( cheering ) 438 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:15,494 EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY, 439 00:15:15,495 --> 00:15:16,835 SINCE IT'S LIAM'S BIRTHDAY, 440 00:15:16,836 --> 00:15:18,707 HE LEADS, OKAY? EVERYBODY FOLLOW HIM. 441 00:15:18,708 --> 00:15:21,040 - IS THAT ALL RIGHT, LIAM? - FOLLOW ME, EVERYBODY! 442 00:15:21,041 --> 00:15:22,882 ( cheering ) 443 00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,135 WOW, YOU HAVE THE WORST JOB IN THE WORLD. 444 00:15:26,136 --> 00:15:28,047 YOU KIDDING? I LOVE THIS. 445 00:15:28,048 --> 00:15:30,219 I GET CAKE LIKE SIX TIMES A DAY. 446 00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,680 SO WHAT'S UP? 447 00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:33,892 I WANTED YOUR COLLEGE ESSAY TO BE AT LEAST SEMI-LITERATE. 448 00:15:33,893 --> 00:15:35,604 SO I WROTE IT. 449 00:15:35,605 --> 00:15:36,935 NOW READ IT SO WE CAN SEND IT IN, 450 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,727 YOU KNOW, IN CASE YOUR SECRET PLAN DOESN'T WORK OUT. 451 00:15:38,728 --> 00:15:40,359 - FINE. - SCANLON. 452 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,191 I HAD A CALL FROM MRS. HOROWITZ. 453 00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:43,942 SHE WAS EXTREMELY HAPPY 454 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,444 WITH HOW YOU HANDLED ADAM'S BIRTHDAY. 455 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,565 ADAM'S A GREAT KID. 456 00:15:46,566 --> 00:15:48,277 ADAM'S THE DEVIL'S SPAWN 457 00:15:48,278 --> 00:15:49,658 WHO'LL BLOW UP A BRIDGE ONE DAY. 458 00:15:49,659 --> 00:15:51,870 BUT THIS MAKES MY DECISION EASY. 459 00:15:51,871 --> 00:15:53,832 YOU ARE THE NEW SATURDAY MANAGER. 460 00:15:53,833 --> 00:15:54,994 ARE YOU SERIOUS? 461 00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:56,125 THANKS, BOSS. 462 00:15:56,126 --> 00:15:57,876 YOU GET A RAISE, YOUR OWN SET OF KEYS, 463 00:15:57,877 --> 00:16:00,039 AND I'M GONNA TRAIN YOU HOW TO DO BANK DEPOSITS. 464 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,211 YOU'RE TRUSTING HIM WITH ACTUAL MONEY? 465 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:03,542 SCANLON, YOU EARNED IT. 466 00:16:03,543 --> 00:16:06,256 THE LASER TAG BUSINESS NEEDS GO-GETTERS LIKE YOU. 467 00:16:07,887 --> 00:16:09,468 THAT'S MY PLAN. 468 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:13,143 GOD, I'M LIKE MOSES, BUT WITH MORE RESPONSIBILITY. 469 00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:16,435 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. YOU'RE GIVING UP COLLEGE 470 00:16:16,436 --> 00:16:18,687 TO BE THE SATURDAY LASER TAG MANAGER? 471 00:16:18,688 --> 00:16:20,309 HEY, I'M GREAT WITH KIDS, OKAY? 472 00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:23,192 AND THE BIRTHDAY PARTY BUSINESS IS A GROWING INDUSTRY, LENNOX. 473 00:16:23,193 --> 00:16:26,235 I'M JUST... I'M JUST RIDING A WAVE. 474 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,367 SO CAN WE DROP IT 475 00:16:28,368 --> 00:16:30,030 ABOUT THE WHOLE COLLEGE THING? 476 00:16:31,111 --> 00:16:34,283 WELL, THIS ISN'T EXACTLY WHAT I PICTURED FOR YOU, 477 00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:36,285 BUT YOU FOUND SOMETHING YOU'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT 478 00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:38,667 SO I HAVE TO RESPECT THAT. 479 00:16:38,668 --> 00:16:40,379 THANK YOU FOR FINALLY UNDERSTANDING 480 00:16:40,380 --> 00:16:42,121 THE WORK I DO HERE IS IMPORTANT. 481 00:16:42,122 --> 00:16:45,214 SCANLON, SOME KID PUKED ON THE AIR HOCKEY TABLE. 482 00:16:45,215 --> 00:16:46,295 OH, I'M ON IT. 483 00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,838 AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M ALL OVER IT. 484 00:16:51,131 --> 00:16:53,843 I WISH I HAD 10 MORE LIKE HIM. 485 00:16:56,226 --> 00:16:58,187 OH, THAT'S GREAT, GUYS. 486 00:16:58,188 --> 00:16:59,188 IT'S BEAUTIFUL. 487 00:16:59,189 --> 00:17:00,689 OKAY, NOW, MEL, 488 00:17:00,690 --> 00:17:02,231 WHY DON'T YOU PUT YOUR ARM AROUND JOE? 489 00:17:02,232 --> 00:17:03,312 YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU ACTUALLY LIKE HIM. 490 00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,694 ( laughs ) 491 00:17:05,695 --> 00:17:08,277 - SHE LIKES ME JUST FINE. - WELL, I DON'T KNOW. 492 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,028 OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'RE GOOD HERE. 493 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,240 WHY DON'T WE HEAD OVER TO THE PARK? 494 00:17:11,241 --> 00:17:12,951 ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SORT OF TIRED 495 00:17:12,952 --> 00:17:14,413 OF THE WHOLE CLICKITY-CLICK. 496 00:17:14,414 --> 00:17:16,325 WHAT? THE PARK, IT'LL BE A REALLY GREAT BACKGROUND. 497 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:17,996 I DON'T REALLY THINK IT'S THAT GREAT OF A BACKGROUND. 498 00:17:17,997 --> 00:17:19,958 OOH, IT'S PRETTY GOOD. LOT OF GOOD ANGLES. 499 00:17:19,959 --> 00:17:21,710 YEAH, YOU WANT A GOOD ANGLE? 500 00:17:21,711 --> 00:17:24,042 WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A SHOT OF MY BUTT 501 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,795 SAYING "BYE-BYE." 502 00:17:27,167 --> 00:17:28,167 HEY, I'M SORRY. 503 00:17:28,168 --> 00:17:29,298 HE'S BEEN A LITTLE STRESSED OUT 504 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:30,719 ABOUT THIS WEDDING, BUT UH... 505 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,551 I BET YOU'D BE PSYCHED TO MARRY ME, RIGHT? 506 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,093 YEAH, FOR SURE. 507 00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:35,224 HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT JOE, ALL RIGHT? 508 00:17:35,225 --> 00:17:37,055 HE'S BEEN CLENCHED HIS WHOLE LIFE. 509 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,057 I THINK THAT'S WHY EVERYONE SAYS 510 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,100 - I'M THE LIKABLE ONE. - OH, YOU ARE PRETTY LIKABLE. 511 00:17:41,101 --> 00:17:43,602 YEAH, I'M LIKE A PUPPY, A SEXY PUPPY. 512 00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:45,184 ( laughs ) 513 00:17:45,185 --> 00:17:47,146 HEY, WHY DON'T I TOUCH UP THESE PHOTOS? 514 00:17:47,147 --> 00:17:48,357 AND YOU CAN COME BY IN A COUPLE HOURS 515 00:17:48,358 --> 00:17:49,988 - AND SEE WHAT WE GOT. - GREAT. 516 00:17:49,989 --> 00:17:51,280 - OKAY, I CAN'T WAIT. - OKAY. 517 00:17:51,281 --> 00:17:53,572 OH, UM, CAN YOU... COULD... LIKE... 518 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,195 MAKE YOU TWO SHADES TANNER, A CUP SIZE LARGER, 519 00:17:56,196 --> 00:17:57,536 AND TEETH AS BRILLIANT AS THE SUN. 520 00:17:57,537 --> 00:17:59,958 - HOW DID YOU KNOW? - IT'S THE BRIDE-TO-BE SPECIAL. 521 00:17:59,959 --> 00:18:01,330 YOU WON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOURSELF. 522 00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:02,461 OH, I WILL. 523 00:18:02,462 --> 00:18:04,624 THAT'S HOW I PICTURE MYSELF IN MY MIND. 524 00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,298 WOW, THESE PHOTOS ARE AMAZING. 525 00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:12,711 I MEAN, YOU CAN BARELY TELL HOW IMPATIENT JOE WAS. 526 00:18:12,712 --> 00:18:14,513 YEAH, PHOTOSHOP'S GOT A GREAT NEW TOOL 527 00:18:14,514 --> 00:18:17,055 - CALLED "GROUCH REMOVER." - ( laughs ) 528 00:18:17,056 --> 00:18:18,677 YOU KNOW, IT'S SO GREAT THAT YOU COULD COME. 529 00:18:18,678 --> 00:18:20,429 YOU KNOW, I'M KIND OF THINKING 530 00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:22,060 MAYBE IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO BRING ME HERE. 531 00:18:22,061 --> 00:18:24,062 WELL, I HAVE TO CONFESS. 532 00:18:24,063 --> 00:18:25,224 I WASN'T AGAINST IT. 533 00:18:25,225 --> 00:18:28,437 SO ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE PLUNGE 534 00:18:28,438 --> 00:18:30,068 AND SETTLE DOWN INTO BORING, OLD MARRIED LIFE? 535 00:18:30,069 --> 00:18:31,690 HEY, I'M NOT MARRIED YET. 536 00:18:31,691 --> 00:18:33,282 I THINK THERE'S STILL A WILD TIME OR TWO 537 00:18:33,283 --> 00:18:36,034 LEFT IN THIS TIGRESS. MEOW. 538 00:18:36,035 --> 00:18:37,996 - OH, YEAH? - OH, YEAH. 539 00:18:37,997 --> 00:18:40,869 OH, HEY, UM, SINCE JOE'S NOT HERE, 540 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,831 THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO DO. 541 00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:44,002 OH, I'M LISTENING. 542 00:18:44,003 --> 00:18:45,204 OKAY, WELL, WE HAVE TO KEEP IT A SECRET. 543 00:18:45,205 --> 00:18:46,505 HEY, I LOVE SECRETS. 544 00:18:46,506 --> 00:18:47,876 - DON'T GO ANYWHERE. - OKAY. 545 00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,878 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH EVERYTHING WE NEED. 546 00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:51,089 I'LL BE HERE. 547 00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:52,881 I THOUGHT YOU COULD MAKE A SLIDE SHOW 548 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:54,173 OUT OF ALL THESE OLD PHOTOS. 549 00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,675 OH, TONY! 550 00:18:56,676 --> 00:18:58,136 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 551 00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,678 WELL, THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, RIGHT? 552 00:18:59,679 --> 00:19:00,889 TO GO A LITTLE WILD? 553 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,392 NO, HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT? 554 00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:06,104 BUT I THOUGHT... 555 00:19:06,105 --> 00:19:07,976 OH, THIS IS AWKWARD. 556 00:19:07,977 --> 00:19:09,027 Gloria: TONY, HONEY, I MADE YOU... 557 00:19:09,028 --> 00:19:10,689 HOLY CANNOLI! 558 00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:12,442 PUT THAT AWAY! 559 00:19:14,073 --> 00:19:15,984 IT WAS AN HONEST MISUNDERSTANDING. 560 00:19:15,985 --> 00:19:17,155 I'M A GOOD GUY. 561 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,157 YEAH, YOU'RE THE BEST. NOW PLEASE GET OUT 562 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:20,619 BEFORE JOE COMES HOME AND KILLS YOU. 563 00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:21,660 I DON'T WANT TO BE A PRISON WIFE. 564 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,121 I NEED MORE THAN ONE CONJUGAL VISIT 565 00:19:23,122 --> 00:19:24,453 EVERY SIX MONTHS. 566 00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:26,495 THIS WASN'T MY FAULT, ALL RIGHT? 567 00:19:26,496 --> 00:19:28,126 SHE WAS GIVING ME VERY MISLEADING SIGNALS. 568 00:19:28,127 --> 00:19:31,290 WELL, SHE'S GIVING YOU A VERY CLEAR SIGNAL NOW. 569 00:19:31,291 --> 00:19:34,133 GET THE HELL OUT! 570 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,177 - BYE, MOM, I LOVE YOU. - TAKE CARE, SWEETHEART. 571 00:19:40,139 --> 00:19:43,222 WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN. 572 00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:45,934 WE WON'T TELL JOEY WHAT ALMOST HAPPENED. 573 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,226 IT DIDN'T ALMOST HAPPEN. 574 00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:49,067 TONY'S VERY APPEALING. 575 00:19:49,068 --> 00:19:50,359 NO ONE WOULD BLAME YOU. 576 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:52,731 NO ONE WOULD BLAME ME BECAUSE NOTHING HAPPENED. 577 00:19:52,732 --> 00:19:54,022 OKAY, WE'LL GO WITH THAT STORY. 578 00:19:54,023 --> 00:19:57,075 BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS JOEY DOESN'T KNOW 579 00:19:57,076 --> 00:19:59,117 AND A BLOODBATH WAS AVERTED. 580 00:19:59,118 --> 00:20:00,489 AWW, LOOK, WE'RE SHARING 581 00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:02,080 OUR FIRST DARK FAMILY SECRET. 582 00:20:02,081 --> 00:20:03,492 THE FIRST OF MANY, I HOPE. 583 00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,744 - ( giggles ) - THE FIRST OF MANY WHAT? 584 00:20:05,745 --> 00:20:07,165 OH, NOTHING. 585 00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:08,957 THERE ARE THINGS THAT A MOTHER 586 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,038 AND HER DAUGHTER-IN-LAW SHARE 587 00:20:10,039 --> 00:20:11,251 THAT A SON SHOULD NEVER KNOW. 588 00:20:12,332 --> 00:20:14,594 AND A HUSBAND DOESN'T NEED TO FIND OUT. 589 00:20:17,006 --> 00:20:19,177 ( snickers ) 590 00:20:19,178 --> 00:20:21,179 WHA... 591 00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:22,641 I THINK I LIKED IT BETTER 592 00:20:22,642 --> 00:20:24,643 WHEN YOU TWO WEREN'T GETTING ALONG. 593 00:20:24,644 --> 00:20:26,516 ( giggling ) 594 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,230 AND OVER HERE IS TABLE 14 595 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,902 FOR ALL YOUR SINGLE FRIENDS. 596 00:20:33,903 --> 00:20:35,113 UP AT THE BAR, RIGHT NEXT TO IT... 597 00:20:35,114 --> 00:20:37,276 THEY WON'T BE SINGLE FOR LONG. 598 00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:39,818 HOW COME TONY'S NOT SITTING AT THAT TABLE? 599 00:20:39,819 --> 00:20:41,820 ACTUALLY, 600 00:20:41,821 --> 00:20:44,032 MOM, I DON'T SEE TONY ANYWHERE ON THIS CHART. 601 00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:47,205 ACTUALLY, YOUR BROTHER IS NOT GONNA BE THERE. 602 00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:48,127 WHAT? WHY? 603 00:20:48,128 --> 00:20:49,628 MY DECISION. 604 00:20:49,629 --> 00:20:51,209 I DIDN'T WANT A WRESTLING MATCH AT THE WEDDING. 605 00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:52,791 MOM, THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A WRESTLING MATCH. 606 00:20:52,792 --> 00:20:53,872 LISTEN, I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT 607 00:20:53,873 --> 00:20:55,213 WHAT YOU TWO LADIES SAID. 608 00:20:55,214 --> 00:20:57,836 YOU KNOW, ABOUT NOT WRITING OFF FAMILY, 609 00:20:57,837 --> 00:21:00,719 LEARNING TO FORGIVE. YES, TONY DRIVES ME NUTS, 610 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:01,930 BUT I LOVE HIM. HE'S MY BROTHER. 611 00:21:01,931 --> 00:21:03,512 AND I CAN'T GET MARRIED WITHOUT HIM THERE. 612 00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:05,844 JOEY, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE DID. 613 00:21:05,845 --> 00:21:07,225 MOM, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE DID. 614 00:21:07,226 --> 00:21:08,727 NOTHING HE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE DONE 615 00:21:08,728 --> 00:21:10,268 WOULD CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT THAT. 616 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,100 WHAT? WHAT? 617 00:21:12,101 --> 00:21:13,602 YEAH. 618 00:21:13,603 --> 00:21:15,605 HE DID... 619 00:21:18,237 --> 00:21:19,569 FULL CANNOLI? 620 00:21:22,902 --> 00:21:25,825 THAT'S GONNA TAKE A LITTLE TIME TO GET OVER.